“Well I could do this, or you know… I also could do this over here.” if you were to be in the room with me you could watch me going back and forth like moving in between the consequences of each decision and trying to measure them out to get them exactly right. And unlike the Argentinian tango, “The should I shouldn’t tango” is not sexy. Indecision persisted in my life for many years, yet there is a way through it.
Indecision is not uncommon problem despite its devastating consequences. For me and many of the successful clients I’ve worked with, in decision has two very specific consequences. The constant questions, considerations, and pondering resulted in limited action taken. The results we created in our lives are not what their heart wants it to be. even now as I have worked through indecision part of me has a new indecision dance of well if only, I would have done this earlier then my life would be so much different. Our minds are always going to do things that try to get in the way of our desire because they want to protect us in some way. And no, it’s not that I just believe that minds are jerks: all behavior Including the talking and thinking that your mind does has a function or a purpose. In a way in decision is trying to protect us from a negative outcome. Back in evolutionary times this was a good thing. The guy that who was indecisive and didn’t run up to kill the little bunny did not get eaten what was indeed a killer rabbit with big sharp pointy teeth. However in our world, there are few killer rabbits except those exist within the world between your ears. Instead we are left with a world that we do not want because of actions not taken.
The second consequence is also just as dire. When we are indecisive people see us as indecisive. When others view you is indecisive even when they’re being charitable they aren’t able to count on you as someone who they know they will be there for them. Not to mention we have such a call literal bias towards people who are direct. When I was in high school I was in a program called peer assistance and leadership (PALs). We mentored elementary and middle school students while learning leadership and growth skills. The teacher in this class introduced me to personality and strengths inventories. The first one we did was based off the Greek notion of humors. Although those haven’t borne out with science, I learned a very important lesson that day. The questionnaire includes several behavioral descriptions of personality and requested to rate your similarity to it. For example, rate yourself between one to five on how true this item is “you are very cool.” I indeed wanted to be cool. However, I deeply knew that I was not. And for each of the questions I would ask my friend, Matt, “does sound like me?” There was one question to ask can make decisions easily. Before I even get to the question, he said, “Dude on a number 5 pick no.” I was deeply indecisive. People saw me that way. People passed over me because of it. And even many people did not know I existed because of how indecisive I was. And there are so many other social consequences of indecision that I’m sure you know really well.
Indecision results from my learning history that has rewarded you for avoiding the consequences of making big decisions and carrying out what your heart wants. You see it’s rarely that someone is so indecisive that they never make decisions. Make decisions often what to eat or random things throughout the day. However, the big things that’s where the indecision comes to play. I really think that to confront this we need to have four major steps.
Number 1. Develop awareness indecision evoking situations
Number 2. Develop awareness of your indeciding dance
Number 3. Chose reliable method to guide your way (Hint: find out what you care about)
Number 4. Act in the world with intention
Number 5. Continue to practice and reflect on how your impact influences the world around you.